


Thalassophobia

by Susquip



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susquip/pseuds/Susquip
Summary: Tubbo drowns and he respawns fine, well physically fine. But he lost something that day, a part of him is still drowning, floating through the deep sea.
Relationships: nope
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	Thalassophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Im real scared of the ocean.

Tubbo drowned. He doesn't quite remember why or how, he can't remember which time he drowned was real anymore. He does remember the feeling though. The fear and hopelessness that eventually encapsulated him, filled his lungs and mind.

He remembers drowning. No one who's experienced it forgets. Sometimes he wakes up gasping for air that isn't there, it's never there. He wakes up in a dark, empty, weightless, wasteland, unable to breathe.

He knows it's a dream, it always is, and he's able to keep it together for around 35 seconds before his body makes him panic.

And once he can't hold his breath anymore, his body forces him to inhale water, and it burns, it burns so much, and it's so so cold. His lungs scream at him, they're so loud, he wishes he'd just wake up already.

And eventually he does wake up, just like when he respawned after drowning, gasping and crying and broken, so broken. 

And he breathes. He breathes until the next night, when he sinks again. Like an anchor, glued to the floor, unable to move.

Again and again and again.

A broken record floating through muffled static.

The moments when he could breathe seem to wash away. Like the waves would push and pull his cold, suffocating, barely alive, body back and forth.

He breathes air but his lungs fill with water, like he's still there. He can never leave no matter how many times he respawns.

He can't see, can't think, can't breathe. There's no break from the suffocating nothingness anymore.

He never breathes, it's endless.

He wakes up in the ocean now, the massive, ruthless, deep, cold, cruel, ocean.

It's poetic that something so beautiful can literally take your breath away.

He's always drowning. Ever since he drowned the first time. He should have never respawned, the ocean called for him, he should be dead.

And maybe he is dead, it's hard to tell anymore. He's just drifting. Through life? Maybe. But it feels like he's still there, floating aimlessly through an endless sea of unknowns.

He remembers doing stuff recently, but it all feels so far away, like he's not really doing it.

He feels like he left something there, in that vast, deep, ocean. It took something he couldn't get back and he just wishes it took the rest with it.

Tommy says that he should see a therapist, that he's experienced mental trauma, but Tubbo can't hear him, his ears are filled with water and the crashing of the waves are too loud.

So he sinks, he just sinks deeper, further and further away, he feel the pressure build, like it always does when he's at the bottom.

And that pressure stays

And the water stays

And he stays

But he's been gone for years, along with the water.

Tubbo only drowned once, but once was too much, and he never stopped drowning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, please comment I'm so so lonely.


End file.
